library / lib8a7338e5801cf569
NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children
Po Bronson, Ashley Merryman · 2009
In a sentence
A book that dismantles common parenting wisdom by revealing the surprising, and often counterintuitive, findings from the new science of child development.
NurtureShock challenges our most deeply held beliefs about raising children, demonstrating that many popular parenting strategies are not only ineffective but can be actively harmful. Through a compelling synthesis of cutting-edge research in psychology and neuroscience, authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman reveal why praising children for being 'smart' can undermine their achievement, how losing just one hour of sleep can impact a child's IQ and health as much as lead exposure, why parental silence on race doesn't create color-blind kids, and why lying is actually a developmental milestone. This book is an essential guide for parents, educators, and anyone interested in the real science of how children learn, behave, and thrive, offering a new framework for understanding and nurturing the next generation.
The model
This model, inferred from the book 'NurtureShock', posits that specific, evidence-based parenting and educational practices (design levers) influence children's core psychological and behavioral states (mediators), which in turn lead to desirable long-term developmental outcomes. It contrasts these effective practices with conventional but counterproductive approaches.
Praise for Effortdesign lever
A form of parental or educator feedback that focuses on a child's process, strategies, hard work, and persistence rather than on their innate ability or intelligence.
Praise for Intelligencedesign lever
A form of feedback that attributes a child's success to innate, fixed traits such as being 'smart' or 'talented', rather than to their effort or actions.
Sufficient Sleepcontextual condition
The child consistently obtains the age-appropriate amount of sleep, which is critical for cognitive processing, emotional regulation, and physical health.
Explicit Discussion of Racedesign lever
Parental practice of openly and directly talking with children about race, racial differences, diversity, and the importance of fairness and equality.
Executive Function Trainingdesign lever
Educational curricula and activities, such as those in 'Tools of the Mind,' designed to develop children's self-control, working memory, cognitive flexibility, and planning abilities through structured play and metacognitive exercises.
Parental Responsiveness to Infant Cuesdesign lever
The parent's tendency to provide prompt, contingent, and appropriate verbal or nonverbal responses to an infant's vocalizations, gestures, and focus of attention.
Positive Truth Affirmationdesign lever
A parental strategy for promoting honesty that emphasizes the positive social value of truth-telling (e.g., 'Telling the truth makes me happy') rather than focusing solely on punishing dishonesty.
Growth Mindsetpsychological state
A child's belief that their abilities and intelligence can be developed and improved through dedication, effort, and learning from mistakes.
Fixed Mindsetpsychological state
A child's belief that their intelligence and talents are innate, static traits, which leads to a desire to 'look smart' and avoid challenges that might reveal inadequacy.
Self-Control and Executive Functionpsychological state
A set of cognitive processes including impulse control, working memory, planning, and attentional flexibility that enable goal-directed behavior and self-regulation.
Cognitive Functioningpsychological state
The overall performance of mental processes such as attention, memory consolidation, learning, and problem-solving, which is highly sensitive to physiological states like sleep.
Honesty and Disclosurebehavioral pattern
A child's or adolescent's tendency to tell the truth and voluntarily share information with their parents, particularly concerning misdeeds or controversial topics.
Reduced Racial Biaspsychological state
A child's attitude of fairness and positivity towards individuals of other racial groups, characterized by a lack of negative stereotypes and in-group favoritism.
Academic Achievementoutcome metric
The extent to which a student has attained their short- or long-term educational goals, commonly measured by grades, standardized test scores, and educational attainment.
Psychological Well-Beingoutcome metric
A child's overall state of mental and emotional health, characterized by happiness, life satisfaction, emotional stability, and the absence of conditions like depression and anxiety.
Social Successoutcome metric
The ability to form and maintain positive peer relationships, navigate diverse social environments effectively, and demonstrate prosocial behaviors.
Language Developmentoutcome metric
The process of acquiring language skills, measured by vocabulary size, syntactic complexity, and the ability to comprehend and produce speech effectively.
Physical Healthoutcome metric
The overall state of the body's physical well-being, with a key indicator for children being the maintenance of a healthy weight and avoidance of obesity.
How they connect
- praise for effort → predicts growth mindset
- praise for intelligence → predicts fixed mindset
- growth mindset → mediates academic achievement
- fixed mindset − mediates academic achievement
- sufficient sleep → predicts cognitive functioning
- cognitive functioning → predicts academic achievement
- sufficient sleep → predicts psychological well being
- sufficient sleep → predicts physical health
- explicit discussion of race → predicts reduced racial bias
- reduced racial bias → predicts social success
- executive function training → predicts self control and executive function
- self control and executive function → predicts academic achievement
- parental responsiveness to infant cues → predicts language development
- positive truth affirmation → predicts honesty and disclosure
A candidate measure
NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children — derived measurement candidates
Praise for Effort
Ratio of process-praise statements to person-praise statements during an observed task.; Parental self-report on a scale of praise styles.
self-report suitability: medium
Praise for Intelligence
Frequency of person-praise statements during observed interactions.; Parental self-report on a scale measuring their belief in the importance of telling kids they are smart.
self-report suitability: medium
Sufficient Sleep
Average nightly sleep duration in hours, measured via actigraphy.; Sleep fragmentation score from actigraphy.; Parent/child-completed sleep diary.
self-report suitability: low
Explicit Discussion of Race
Frequency of conversations about race as reported by parents on a questionnaire.; Qualitative analysis of conversation content from parent diaries.
self-report suitability: high
Executive Function Training
Classroom observation checklist for fidelity of implementation of a curriculum like 'Tools of the Mind'.; Number of hours per week spent on specific EF-building activities.
self-report suitability: none
Parental Responsiveness to Infant Cues
Percentage of infant-initiated cues that receive a contingent response from the parent within a 5-second window during a videotaped interaction.
self-report suitability: low
Positive Truth Affirmation
Parental self-report on scenarios involving child dishonesty.; Coding of parental responses in a lab-based deception paradigm.
self-report suitability: high
Growth Mindset
Score on a standardized mindset questionnaire (e.g., Dweck's Theories of Intelligence Scale).; Behavioral choice between an easy (performance) task and a hard (learning) task.
self-report suitability: high
Fixed Mindset
Score on a standardized mindset questionnaire.; Behavioral choice of an easy task over a hard one.; Observed attribution of failure to lack of ability.
self-report suitability: high
Self-Control and Executive Function
Performance on tasks like the Head-Toes-Knees-Shoulders task.; Accuracy and reaction time on a computerized card-sorting task.; Time a child can wait for a larger reward in a delay-of-gratification task.
self-report suitability: low
Cognitive Functioning
Scores on subtests of an intelligence scale (e.g., WISC) measuring working memory or processing speed.; Performance on a continuous performance task (CPT) to measure attention.; Memory recall tests.
self-report suitability: none
Honesty and Disclosure
Rate of lying in an experimental deception paradigm.; Self-reported number of topics (out of a checklist) on which a teen withholds information from parents.
self-report suitability: high
Reduced Racial Bias
Scores on a preschool racial attitude measure.; Response latencies on an Implicit Association Test (for older children).; Number of cross-race friendships named in a sociometric survey.
self-report suitability: medium
Academic Achievement
Grade Point Average (GPA).; Standardized test scores (e.g., ITBS, state-level tests).; Teacher ratings of academic performance.
self-report suitability: none
Psychological Well-Being
Scores on the Beck Depression Inventory (or age-appropriate version).; Scores on scales of life satisfaction and positive/negative affect.; Parent and teacher ratings of emotional adjustment.
self-report suitability: high
Social Success
Peer sociometric ratings (liked most/liked least).; Teacher ratings on a social skills scale.; Observed frequency of prosocial behaviors (sharing, helping).
self-report suitability: medium
Language Development
Vocabulary size as measured by the MacArthur-Bates CDI.; Mean Length of Utterance (MLU) from language samples.; Scores on standardized language tests like the PPVT.
self-report suitability: none
Physical Health
Body Mass Index (BMI) percentile.; Waist circumference.; Blood tests for metabolic markers (e.g., glucose tolerance).
self-report suitability: low
The story
The reader A dedicated and well-intentioned parent, guardian, or educator who wants to raise happy, successful, and morally sound children, but feels anxious and uncertain about whether their traditional parenting methods are truly effective.
External problem
The conventional parenting strategies being used are not producing the desired results; children may lack resilience, struggle with motivation, exhibit dishonesty, or face social challenges despite parents' best efforts.
Internal problem
Parents feel frustrated, confused, and worried that they might be failing their children. They are exhausted from trying to do the 'right thing' without seeing positive outcomes.
Philosophical problem
It's just plain wrong that loving, well-meaning parenting can accidentally lead to negative consequences for children. Parents deserve clear, science-backed guidance to help their children thrive.
The plan
- Accept the 'NurtureShock' by questioning long-held but unproven beliefs about child development.
- Learn the new science behind key areas of childhood: praise, sleep, honesty, race, self-control, and more.
- Implement evidence-based strategies that align with how children's brains and minds actually work.
Success
- Becoming a more confident and effective parent equipped with a scientific understanding of child development.
- Raising children who are more resilient, motivated, honest, and emotionally and socially intelligent.
- Enjoying a less stressful, more harmonious family life built on mutual understanding and respect.
At stake
- Continuing to use counterproductive parenting methods that foster fragility, anxiety, and dishonesty in children.
- Remaining in a state of confusion and frustration, watching children struggle without knowing how to truly help.
- Missing the opportunity to align parenting with the powerful truths of modern developmental science.
Questions this book answers
- Why do many well-intentioned parenting strategies backfire?
- What does modern science reveal about how children actually learn and develop?
- How can parents foster resilience, honesty, and self-control in their children based on scientific evidence?
- What are the unintended consequences of praising intelligence, avoiding conversations about race, and underestimating children's need for sleep?
- What practical, evidence-based alternatives can replace outdated parenting myths?
Glossary
- Praise for Effort
- A communication strategy where adults praise a child's effort, strategies, perseverance, and the process of learning, rather than focusing on innate ability. This feedback implies that success is a result of controllable factors.
- Praise for Intelligence
- A communication strategy where adults attribute a child's success to their innate ability or intelligence (e.g., 'You're so smart'). This feedback implies that success is a result of fixed, uncontrollable traits.
- Sufficient Sleep
- The state of receiving an age-appropriate duration and quality of sleep on a regular basis, which is essential for neurobiological functioning, emotional regulation, and metabolic processes.
- Explicit Discussion of Race
- The practice of parents or educators engaging children in direct, overt conversations about race, ethnicity, diversity, prejudice, and the importance of equality.
- Executive Function Training
- A pedagogical approach that intentionally embeds activities designed to strengthen executive functions (self-regulation, working memory, cognitive flexibility) into the daily curriculum, often through structured dramatic play and metacognitive practices.
- Parental Responsiveness to Infant Cues
- The caregiver's ability to perceive, interpret, and respond promptly and appropriately to an infant's signals, such as vocalizations, gazes, and gestures, creating a contingent interactive loop that scaffolds learning.
- Positive Truth Affirmation
- A disciplinary and educational approach to honesty where the parent communicates that telling the truth is a valued positive behavior that strengthens relationships, rather than solely focusing on punishment as a deterrent for lying.
- Growth Mindset
- The belief that personal qualities, such as intelligence, are not fixed but can be developed through effort, strategy, and perseverance. This mindset leads to a focus on learning and resilience in the face of setbacks.